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发信人: muthafuka (muthafuka), 信区: AnonymousDiary
标题: 無論你多憎恨我，務請你看此信
发信站: 荔园晨风BBS站 (Sat Aug 1 23:44:56 2009), 站内

不知道要如何開始寫這電郵。I do not know how to start writing this email.

首先，對不起。我當時太激動了。「對不起」這三個字基本也無法彌補我對你造成的語言上
的傷害。我也不奢望你的原諒。

First, I am so sorry for what I said. I overreacted then. ‘sorry’ can never
make up for how much verbally I hurt you. I never expect your generous
forgiveness.

其次，我想說幾句。以後不要以很假的話和別的男生分手。真誠點。你以「我不是個好女孩
；我酗酒；我沒有花多點時間陪你；我不努力學習」等缺點來作藉口和我分手，我覺得很假
很假。為什麼﹖我用你類似的話作為建議，讓我的小學同學與他七年多的女友作分手藉口，
他都說好假。我倒是希望你說的是「我對你沒有興趣了，你太呆了，你太變態了，你太好色
，你太無才了，你的「小弟弟」太小了」之類的話來和我分手。至少我知道我存在缺點，令
這關係破裂。

Second, I have something else to add. Subsequently, I sincerely suggest that
you not break up with your future boyfriend with such hypocritical excuses. Be
more sincere. Breakup words such as ‘ I am not a good girl’, ‘I am alcoholic
’ and ‘ I spend little time with you’ will just make me feel that you are
being hypocritical. Why is that? I used similar words to advise my friend to
break up with his girlfriend. He said that the excuses are too hypocritical.
What I expect to hear from you is ‘ sorry, I lost interest in you. You are too
boring. You are too perverted, you are too lustful, you are such a useless man,
your penis is too small’, which are better and let me know that I have to
overcome such weaknesses that lead to a breakup.

我可以說真心的話，為什麼第一次分手，我依然留下你的q號，也沒有說那麼過份的話，因
為我不想放棄。當時，我對你很有感覺。你的一切百分之八十都滿足我孩兒時代以來的理想
老婆。你的活潑可愛（特別每次你發的那哈哈的笑臉），讓我覺得充滿活力；你的那雙在煮
面條的手，給我感覺到溫馨的家，令我感覺到你會是個溫柔的女人；你那時候的「Baby」的
聲音，很清脆，我想聽一輩子；你那「好吧」，我亦想每天都聽到；你那微笑，我想天天看
到；你的那一聲「哼？」，很可愛的表情，我想時不時看到。最最重要的是你說過的「沒有
錢一樣可以很浪漫，我們可以騎自行」等，那些更是請我心動。

I pour out my sincere words here. Why did I leave your q number when it was the
first breakup? Why didn’t I say anything offensive or insulting? Because I
never meant to give up. At that moment, I had strong feelings about you. You 80
percent matched what I dreamt about at my childhood. Your activeness and
adorableness (especially the big haha face) fills me with energy; your hands
that cook the noodles bring me a sweet home and make you a gentle wife; your ‘
baby’ calling is so loud and clear as I want to hear for my lifetime; your ‘
ok’intrigues my interest every day; your smiles catch my everyday attention;
your ‘uh huh’ is such a cute expression as I want to see from time to time.
The most important thing is ‘it can be romantic too without much money. We can
ride a bicycle’, which touches my heartstring.

不過這一切都因為我的那句「fuck」不會再實現了。我沒有資格說「我愛你」，但我相信我
還是有資格說「我很喜歡你，很喜歡很喜歡」。

However, such things will never happen due to my stupid cussing words. I am not
qualified to say I love you, but I still believe that I can say ‘I like you
very much. Very much’.

第二次分手，你說了句「I kind of don’t like you」。我當時腦子就是「嗡」的一聲響
，心裡想「完了，快分手了」，所以我不知道我還能承受多少。所以，為了讓你更快的結束
這關係，我故意那麼說的，讓你徹底地討厭我，這樣也讓你可以下決心離我而去。我後悔莫
及，卻是覆水難收。

The second breakup happens when you say ‘ I kind of don’t like you now’.
immediately I was stunned and spoke to my mind ‘ shit. I am over’. I didn’t
know how much I can bear. So in order to make this quick, I intentionally said
it, making you hate me and giving you good reason to leave me. I regret it now
but what is done is done.

最近遇到個女的，她表示會和我發生**。可是我確偏偏想起了你。原以為塵封起對你的回憶
，可以一了百了。原來才發現，喜歡上你代價會是如此的大。每次登陸msn的時候，都不自?
地將鼠標移到「family」。

Recently, I met some girl and she said that she would have sex with me. But
then I couldn’t help thinking of you. I thought that the burial of all
memories about you will solve all, only to find out that the price is too high
to pay. I can’t help moving my curse to the family list each time I log onto
msn.

我想，接下來五年一直不會和別人明確關係或是去認識其他女生，以此作為懲罰。我答應了
五年的，我不會食言，五年後我會再次發電郵給你。我要證明給你看，我對你的誠意是有多
大。你也可以當我是在說笑話，你也可以當我是傻瓜。

I think, I will never start a new relationship with another girl in the 5 years
to come, as a punitive way. 5 years of promise won’t come easy, and I won’t
eat my words. I will email you in 5 years to prove how sincere I am to you. You
can treat this like a joke and me like a fool.

說實話，到目前為止，你是第一個讓我說中文最多的女生，第一個女網友，她都沒有本事讓
我講中文。我和她****，就分了。我到目前為止，做了很多傻事，後悔亦無法挽回。所以你
第一次和我分手，我心裡想不可以再令我自己再次後悔。可是事情發展到今天這地步，不是
你的錯，而是我自己的錯。

Honestly, by far, you are the first girl that makes me speak lots of mandarin.
My first online girlfriend didn’t get me to talk Chinese at all though I had
had sex with her a couple of times and then split. By far, I have already done
lots of foolish things, leaving all regrets that are hard to make up for. So
when you dumped me the first time, I swore to my heart that I would not let
myself regret once more. However, it ended up like this today, which is my
fault by my clumsy hands, not yours.

我沒有任何資格要求你回到我的身邊，這電郵不是以退為進。我也不知道你會不會看到我的
名字就直接刪除電郵，但是我希望你會看這封電郵。

I do not think I have the right to ask you back, and this email is not written
in the strategy of ‘moving forward by playing backward’. I am not confident
that you will read this email when you see my name or email address. But from
the bottom of my heart, I wish you would read it.

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